Adoption, Fertility Treatments

Decisions, Decisions…

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog. The last time I posted was just before we began our first and [spoiler alert] last fertility treatment. It had been my intention to faithfully post throughout our transfer protocol, every step of the way; however, after starting my medication, I decided not to. Why? Long-story short: I quickly became a blubbering, hormonal disaster with only enough sense remaining to know that sharing my feelings online at just that moment wasn’t wise. I intend to go back soon and write, perhaps once a week, about what happened to us. It’s an important story and it deserves to be told. Even so, the focus of this blog is officially shifting to adoption, as is our whole life.

Here’s a little back story on why we’re doing this in one sentence: my spiritual director told me to. After our failed transfer, things got a little weird in the fertility world. I’ll go into this more in a later post but, suffice it to say, gender selection and genetic testing were involved and we were creeped out. I decided it was time to take the whole situation to a priest (and it was HIGH time I had a spiritual director to help me navigate this craziness). After unloading 10 years of our story on this man, he just said, “I think you should stop. God’s already chosen a child for you. He’s out there, you just have to find him”. O….kay.

I went home. I cried a little. I called Steve. I cried A LOT. Then I started researching adoption. The rest is history.

Since that day, a week ago (eons, it feels like eons), big decisions have been made.

We decided to completely abandon fertility treatments.

We decided to adopt.

We decided to adopt an infant (an important distinction).

We didn’t decide to fundraise, but that happened anyway because I was experimenting with GoFundMe and sent out a mass email to all my contacts by accident so… yeah.

Making one decision tends to lead to two more and, every now and again, I feel like giving up and devoting all my motherly hopes to my dog, cat, and various hobbies. Then I put on my big-girl pants and keep researching to make sure we are fully informed for the upcoming decisions like:

  • Which agency, lawyer, facilitator, or charity we should use for our adoption, if any?
  • Should we be open to children who’ve been exposed to drugs or alcohol?
  • Should we be open to children of all races, regardless of the cultural obstacles we and the child will face as a result?

These are just a taste of what’s to come for us in terms of life-altering choices. Then the long wait for a match with a “birth”, or “first”, mother begins. We’re going to need a lot of prayer over the next week or so as we figure this out.

Thank you to all who have been praying for us, have donated to our fund, and who have an interest in what we’re trying to do. I will be chronicling this journey frequently. It will be an emotional rollercoaster, but at least I won’t be hopped up on artificial hormones and my mind will be my own. I’ll also have unrestricted access to caffeine, which likely had more effect on my mood over the last few months than anything else.

God bless you and Mary keep you,


P.S. If you’re interested in helping us fund our adoption, or you’d like to share our GoFundMe, please visit this link. I also have Zelle, Venmo, and CashApp. Please reach out to me if you want to help us via those options!

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